A Note on Northern Tradition Funerals
Excerpted from Horn and Banner: Rituals for the Northern Tradition.
When we first began this book, we intended to provide sample rituals for all the different rites of passage in a person’s life, from womb to tomb. However, funerals are difficult to write a generic ritual for. In Elizabeth Vongvisith’s Northern Tradition prayer book Be Thou My Hearth And Shield, five different prayers for a funeral are provided. If something needs to be formally recited, one of those would probably suffice.
Funerals are deeply personal rituals. Some err on the side of what the deceased would have wanted, while others err toward what will comfort the survivors. Making that decision, and then figuring out what will work best for that specific person or group of people, is a very delicate decision that takes a lot of thought and consideration. Elaborate boilerplate rites aren’t going to do the trick. In addition, funerals are the one ritual where people are least likely to be in an emotional state for doing staged rites. Ritual staff and even clergy may break down and weep in the middle of whatever they are supposed to be doing, and forgetting lines will be at an all-time high. Even the most beautiful ritual can still be an added stressor at this time, so it’s best to keep things simple.
What, then, are the elements of a Northern Tradition funeral? Most people think about the burning Viking ship on the water, filled with grave goods and a corpse. Not only is this physically impossible for most people, it’s not necessarily appropriate – originally, only warriors who died in battle got that kind of funeral. Some people will want to be cremated, and some will want to be put into the earth. Some will donate their bodies to science, and it may take months for the (always cremated) remains to be returned to the family, so there may not even be a body present. Funerals and memorial ceremonies (and these days the lines are vague as to which is which) must be flexible for all the various inconveniences that Death visits upon us.
However, the giving of gifts as grave goods, symbolic or otherwise, is a traditional rite that can be adapted to modern times. At one such funeral I attended, the deceased had donated his body as a research subject for the disease that killed him, so his family bought a three-foot-long Viking ship and encouraged people to fill it with gifts. These included tiny paper and wooden versions of things he had enjoyed in life, bits of his favorite food and drink, letters and wishes written to him, and occasionally bits hair or clothing. The ship was placed ceremoniously on a fire and burned, and people sang as it went up. At another funeral where the deceased was buried in the earth, a box was decorated and filled with similar grave goods, and placed on top of the coffin after it went down.
In ancient Anglo-Saxon funerals, there was traditionally a dirge sung by a female relative or friend, and then twelve people on horseback rode singing around the funeral pyre. (The sagas only describe the funerals of great warriors who died in battle; other folk weren’t deemed worthy of sagas.) Since soloists with appropriate dirges are few, and horses aren’t generally allowed into gravesites, the singing could be done by a group of twelve selected people walking around the grave or altar or even the whole room. If everyone falls in behind them, this can serve as a transition to the next phase of the ritual.
After the main part of the funeral in each of these cases, people adjourned to a sitting area where they passed a horn and told stories about the deceased, and what they remembered most about them. This creates a different atmosphere from the more traditional custom of saying something solemn about how good the person was, and is more mutual than a drunken, maudlin wake. In a way, the storytelling circle is the most Northern Tradition part of the rite, regardless of whether it can be proved to have actually been done. Having people sit in a circle (or a series of concentric circles) instead of a Christian-church-like lectern and “pews”, and having them share actual stories that will be added as memory-pictures to the minds of everyone there, is a powerful group bonding. Everyone leaves with more memories than they entered with, and their last thoughts are not simply about the act of disposing of a body. It also ritually begins the transition of the deceased’s place in the community from just-alive member to honored ancestor.
It may be a good idea if those who were not the closest and most beloved of the deceased are the ones to go first with their stories. They are less likely to choke on torrential emotion, and more likely to be able to keep their contributions positive and focused. This sets the scene for more people to be willing to speak up. While at traditional funerals the most bereaved are pressured to go first, the storytelling ritual allows them to gather their wits and decide if they want to share stories. They should not be pressured to speak up if they choose to remain silent; there can be a great comfort in simply sitting and listening to others talk about the contribution of your beloved lost one to their lives. Usually, though, the memories of others will remind them of some memory of their own that begs to be shared.
After this – prayer, grave goods to fire or earth, storytelling – there is usually an adjournment to feasting in honor of the deceased. Whether the feasting is a raucous and joyful event, or a quiet time for mourners to offer individual consolations, will depend on the chief mourners and their wishes. Ideally, those wishes should be made clear to whoever is handling the details of the funeral and reception/feast. While everyone will make their own decisions on the spur of the moment, we heartily recommend that the closest family members not be in charge of the party. If they can choose someone trustworthy and competent who is not grieving as hard as they are, and simply give their wishes as to how the funeral should be done, it is a great burden off of them. (Some people, of course, cope with grief through working and thus may want to run things themselves.) If nothing else, such preparations as making food for the feasting and cleaning the venue before and after can be a wonderful way for people who are grieving only a little, but who want to show their respect for the deceased, to help out.