Fidelity Ritual for Sif

by Ingeborg

Sif3I wrote this rite because I was having trouble staying with my marriage vows. While I respect my polyamorous friends, my husband and I have chosen monogamy – as Starhawk says, “…to concentrate on one person with depth and passion.” Yet it’s not always easy, even when both people very much love each other, and I think that we feel shame over that. We are taught that if you really love each other, staying faithful to your vows should always be easy, and that’s not true – and doesn’t make you a bad person if you have to struggle. In fact, it’s a sign of honor to struggle to keep a vow and to win. There’s nothing dishonorable about asking for help in order to win that struggle, and that is what this ritual is about.

It was performed by myself and three of my monogamous female friends, all of whom felt that they could use the extra aid, but it could be performed by any number of people of any gender. (It can also be performed as an entirely solitary ritual.) Non-partnered or polyamorous people could still attend, and perhaps witness or drum or clap, and certainly hail Sif and Thor, even if they are not renewing their vow to stay monogamous. I see Sif and Thor very much as the keepers of monogamy; if polyamorous couples/triples/others wish to be blessed for their bonds of love and fidelity to each other, there are multiple God-pairs who can make that happen – Odin and Frigga, Frey and Gerda, Loki/Angrboda/Sigyn, and others. But Sif and Thor are for those who cleave only to each other.

 Ideally, couples should be there together; the reason that I and my friends did not have our husbands there was because they were not Pagan, and indeed this had become a source of difficulty that we had to work through. I am happy to tell you that at this time of sending the ritual to you, we are all still together with our husbands, and all still very much in love. Hail Sif!

 

The altar is draped in yellow cloth. On it lays a short sword, a horn of mead (and more mead in a bottle for refilling), a golden chain, a yellow candle, a large bowl if the rite is held inside, several yellow stones such as citrine, and several yellow scarves – as many as there are people wanting Sif’s aid and blessing. Four people stand around the altar to be the gythias (or godhis, or both, though we will use the word gythia for now); others circle around them.

The first gythia lights the yellow candle, raises the horn of mead, and says:

 

Hail Lady Sif, Wife of Thor.

Indeed, this is how we most know you,

Wife of the Great Thunderer,

And this is a title that you love and cherish.

You are more than just a wife –

You are the one who hallows the doorway,

You are the Mother of Ullr and the Mother of Thrud,

You are one who grants skill in weaponry,

You are one who protects wives and children,

You are one who gives excellence in whatever skill we strive for.

So we hail you, Sif of the Golden Hair!

 

The first gythia carries the horn of mead around the circle and each person drinks and toasts “Hail Sif!” or pours out a small libation onto the ground or into the bowl if this is held inside. The second gythia stands forth and says:

 

And yet, Sif of the Aesir,

First and foremost you are the Wife of Thor.

What can we learn from you, Lady of the Golden Hair?

First we can learn that you honor your husband

And love him above all else,

And you would not see a rite for you go by

Without honoring him as well.

So before speak of you further,

We hail Thor, Husband of Sif,

Great Thunderer, Friend to the Common Man,

God of the spring rains and the lightning strike,

Master of the Winds of the Western World!

 

The second gythia refills the horn and carries it around the circle; each person drinks and toasts “Hail Thor!” or pours out a small libation onto the ground or into the bowl. The third gythia stands forth and says:

 

Sif, Bilskirnir’s Lady,

We know that you did not come to your husband a virgin.

You had once another husband, great Aurvandil,

And a young son by him, Ullr, at your breast.

You teach us that true love does not always

Come with the first rush of the heart,

That it is all right to find it later,

That it is all right to leave something that does not suit

And go to something that does.

You ask only that we who have so sworn

Try our best until it is clear that it is over.

You ask that if it fails, it fails

Through no fault on our parts,

But only because it was inevitable

Even though we could not see so far ahead.

Sif, bless us with the will to try again and again

And the knowledge to know when to step away.

 

All say, “Sif, bless us!” The fourth gythia stands forth and says,

 

Sif, Lady of the Golden Hair

Whose locks were magically crafted by the dwarves

At the behest of Laufey’s Son,

Some say that your shorn head

Was a sign of adultery; that Loki knew

Something that Thor did not, and tried to tell him.

We do not know if you broke your vows,

And we never will, but we do know

That whatever happened between you and your husband,

You made it up, and made your vow anew.

Sif, you teach us that even if we make a terrible mistake,

Fidelity can come back again from error

If there is enough love and patience

To build up trust again, step by arduous step.

Sif, bless us with the ability to trust again,

And to help our beloveds to trust us,

And to weave that trust anew each day.

 

All say, “Sif, bless us!” The first gythia stands forth and says:

 

Sif, Lady of the Golden Hair,

They say that the bridal night

Of you and your passionate husband

Is made again every time the rain falls

Onto the golden fields of grain.

As the earth is always overjoyed for the rain

That gives it nourishment and life,

And without which it would be dry and barren,

And as the rain always loves the earth

That it caresses or ravishes,

Let us always be joyful for the presence

Of the beloveds to whom we cleave.

Sif, bless us with that excitement

Every long day of our lives together,

Until the day that one of us walks the road to Death.

 

All say, “Sif, bless us!” The second gythia stands forth and says:

 

Sif, Lady of the Golden Hair

Whose mane was made artificially,

You know that even when we lose our beauty

Through accident or old age,

We are still worthy of love and loving.

Help us remember, each on each side,

To find the beauty in each other

That lies beneath the skin and bone.

Sif, bless us with the sight of that beauty

And may we never lose sight of it.

 

All say, “Sif, bless us!” The third gythia stands forth, holds up the gold chain, and says:

 

Sif, Mother of Ullr who oversees the oaths of the tribe,

Mother of Thrud who is strength and truth,

Help us to keep our oaths of fidelity,

To cleave only to the one who cleaves only to us

Because it is what is best for the two of us,

Because it is what nourishes our souls together.

Let us not forget that this is our best road,

Even in the face of temptation, of loneliness,

Of grass that looks so much greener

When we are angry or restless or sad.

Help us to remain strong and true

Throughout the difficulties of time,

And never regret keeping our oaths.

Sif, bless us with a heart so strong

That we can resist all the thorns that will come.

 

All say, “Sif, bless us!” Then the fourth gythia stands forth with the yellows scarves, and says:

 

All who would ask Lady Sif, once again,

For renewal of your will to be faithful,

Come forth and be bound as you were once bound,

As you are still bound,

As you will always be bound.

Hail Sif!

 

All say, “Hail Sif!” Each of those who would ask for Sif’s aid in this way should come forth. The fourth gythia ties the scarves around their neck, or wrist, or arm, or waist, saying, “Sif bless you.” Then the candle is blown out and the rite is over. If there is an offering bowl, its contents should be taken outside and poured out onto the Earth.

 

Artwork by Peter.