My Encounter With Mordgud And What Came After
by Mordant Carnival
I'm sitting in the dark. The
light from the VDU is the only light in the room as I begin to shut everything
down for the night. I'm winding down for sleep, and my mind is wandering. I'm
reflecting on my own doubt: my fear that none of the spirit‑work I've been
doing is real, that perhaps there are no guides or Gods but only the echo of my
own thoughts inside a locked room of incipient madness. I reflect that I will
never truly lose that doubt, only put it aside for a spell. It will be held at
bay for as long as They speak to me, but will always creep back; it may be
eroded over the years, but it will never be gone entirely. I reflect that
perhaps this is not such a bad thing.
The voice is clear, sudden, a silent shout from that place in my being where they speak. There are words yet no words, images and colours. "Doubt? I am Doubt. Doubt is the bridge, and Doubt guards the bridge. Your Doubt is the span that connects you to Beyond; and all the hordes of Hel might be free in a moment, if they had no Doubt. I am Mordgud!"
She's on me suddenly, strong as anything I've ever encountered. I am overshadowed and somehow I know that full possession is imminent. I hit the floor, knowing that if I don't sit I may fall. I don't fight Her - I know enough not to fight, that this will only make the possessory state more extreme. Instead I try to stay calm and explain to Her that the body She's trying to possess is overtired, and that there is nobody in the dwelling for Her to speak with (except my partner, who is sleeping and who I don't want disturbed). She seems puzzled, as if She was expecting to find me in a communal dwelling, or at least attended by someone who could witness Her message. For a long moment I wait, trying not to struggle, not to panic and attempt to throw Her off, while the questing spirit seems to raid my sensorium to confirm what I've said. I promise that if She'll only hold off I'll find a way to communicate with Her another time. I also remind Her that I don't know Her - that I should really be allowed to confirm Her identity before I let Her take my body for a spin. At first I don't think She's going to leave, but slowly She withdraws.
I walk weakly through to the bedroom and lie down. She hovers at the edge of my consciousness, speaking softly, until sleep takes me down.
The next day I investigate Mordgud online. I confirm what I'd already suspected: aside from Her name and a job description, Mordgud's lore is lost. I check in with Hela, and with my patron, Loki. Hela says little, but in my mind I feel a sense of calm agreement. I think She'd be very angry to find someone impersonating Her servant, so I take this as confirmation. Loki makes some vague, ribald claim in respect of Mordgud. I don't know if I am to take it that Mordgud is one of His lovers or a product of one of his many liaisons, but He confirms that my visitor was who She said She was.
Artwork by Spiderlady.